In searching for a title for my blog, I wanted to combine all parts of who I am now. I wanted a phrase that could somehow, if even humanly possible, encapsulate who I am and what I do.
I am going to start backwards, I am a lefty so this comes natural to me! A tog.. in short is a photographer. That is what I do, It is what I am, what I live and breathe. Photography. Plus it rhymes nicely with the rest of the phrase! :-)
I realize blended, is somewhat of a loaded term. Its a nice way of saying two families, from a separate origination, come together through marriage. Or if you would like a translation, two people who have gone through a divorce, find love again, and remarry, therefore creating a new family, bringing their own children together, and in essence, creating a new family unit.
When I thought about blended, I decided a proper place to start would be to look up the definition :"Blended: to mix smoothly and inseparably together" WOW! I was taken back by this and actually pretty surprised how casually this word is used when talking about new families coming together through marriage!!
If you are a part of or know anyone who is a blended family, this definition seems so far from the truth. I can honestly say, at this point we are pretty far from blended, I guess that is a term we will be working towards, but the part I don't agree with is the smoothly. There is nothing smooth about this transition, there is nothing easy, natural or inseparable about it!
If you haven't experienced this, or been close to someone who has, let me just give you a quick overview of what its like.
Imagine with me for just a moment, yes its time to get that Brady Bunch Tune in your head..
'There's a story of a lovely lady," wait stop, there is nothing lovely about this. We are all so eager to look at media when it comes to blended families. Just like the Brady Bunch. Why is that? Did we honestly think they had it all together? Where were the parents Ex's? OK well as you can see, there was no sense of reality going on for the Brady Bunch.
But lets take a reality check. Step away from the perfect TV family and look at my situation.
There is a mother, in this case, me who has 2 lovely kids, 11 and 9. They are my flesh and blood, my sweat and tears. In a very honest world, there is nothing like your own kids, I am not saying this to be mean or anything, but it is just simply the truth and if you do not acknowledge this, you are lying to yourself.
There is also a father, in this case, Tristan, who has 2 lovely daughters, 10 and 5. They are his flesh and blood, and the light of his everyday.
(So we have two people, who fell in love.. how romantic.. they have kids, how perfect! But wait? We forgot something. Yes, I am going to talk about this.. keep reading, it gets really good here!)
Then, people forget this part, there is a father to my two kids, who is my ex-husband. Who will always be my kids dad, no matter what they do, what he does, what I do or who I love.
Then surprise, there is a mother to Tristan's girls, who is Tristan's Ex-wife, who is the girls mother, and always will be.
Are you following?
So remember when you get married how hard it is to combine or "blend" your own traditions, your own ideas and thoughts? Imagine with me, for just a minute trying to combine, your children with the new siblings, the ideas of you and your new (husband), then throw on top of that the Ex's, as you are reading I am sure you are seeing how far from Blended, this Blended Family just might be!
Now wait, I know you are thinking, this sounds like a mess. Your right it is. But in this mess I cannot help but see opportunity. When Tristan and I got married, WE fell in love, not our kids. They did not have a choice, we are fortunate that they get along so well, like siblings really, from the beginning. We are lucky to have this beautiful mess. I always know that in my life, when I meet a challenge, God never leaves me to handle it on my own. He presents me with new ideas, and new opportunities. I can absolutely say that I don't always have the answer, that when I am working in and with this blended family, at times, I am lost, I need help and, most of all I look to my partner (in crime, yes sometimes we want to run away.. that's normal). But we are always on the same page when it comes to this blended family. I have NEVER experienced that kind of unconditional support or balance, in a relationship, ever before.. AND I found that in this BLENDED family!
This Blended Family, is blended in a way, that not one person could have created. We are not knit together, but we are blended in a way that is combined, while still showing the creativity and uniqueness of each family member. We are blended, so that we may operate as a unit, but still being reminded that each of us have challenges, we have parts to us, that cannot and will not be the same. But together we will work, to find the answers. Being a part of a blended family has its triumphs, it has its blunders. Like any family, the same struggles, but we choose to use them to unite us as one.
I wouldn't change a thing. This family I am blessed to have. My husband, I cannot begin to tell you what an amazing man he is to me. The kids, they are my lights.
So, If I can leave you with something today, Be BLENDED. If you are a family unit, who is together with your children's spouse, remember to find your children's and your families, uniqueness. Don't get lost in the ideas of the perfect family, but strive to be different. If you are a new or Blended family unit, use your differences to create an amazing family, from what you have been given.Use your differences and your challenges, to make you who you are. Using your differences, to be amazing, and to be different in a way that people want to have what you have, they want that bond, that BLEND!
BE BLENDED
perfectly said.. from our "blended" family to yours.
ReplyDeleteGreat article I have witnessed this in my own family with my brother, and also my parents.
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