Being a Step Mom has brought me to whole new level of parenting. Its like going through the parenting process all over again. But with older children. It involves a lot of training, a lot of time, and A LOT of Patience. In this process, I am not only learning and teaching, but also dealing with the relapse that happens 50% of the time with the other parent. Reteaching, Shaping, and trying to make changes is VERY difficult as it is only half of the time. A good friend once said, "you can only feed them vegetables when they are with you!" That has stayed with me, really helped me keep my perspective in this whole process.
So over the last year or so I have compiled a list of Do's and Don'ts of being a parent. This comes from 12 years of parenting my own children and now some added insight in being a step mom! This advice is NOT just for blended families, it is for Everyone who is a parent, for those who are thinking about becoming a parent and everyone in between!
Do Tell Your kids how wonderful they are.
A lot of times parents will get so focused on the in and outs of a day they forget to tell there kids how great they are. Or maybe a parent is always exhausted from work, or busy. Just like adults kids need to hear how great they are. They need to be told what skills they are good it, or the different qualities they posses that need to be reaffirmed by an adult, and a parent is the icing of the cake! Do you have kids that nag for attention? I bet if you try this simple feat of complimenting your child, the nagging and watch me attitude will become less and the positive attention your child gains from your compliments will make them soar. It will give them self confidence to try to things, and will build their self esteem about who they are and where they might find their place in this world.
Do help your kids with Homework. Be involved
The idea of homework comes long before actual homework begins in school. As a parent you may not realize, but talking to your child from a young age will teach them, that is what adults do. How they interact. Even from the womb, when children are born, they recognize voices or music that was played as they developed in their mommies tummy. The idea of talking and working through something starts then. Imagine for as second as adults, if you had a friend for years, but you only did the occasional hello? How are you? But nothing further. No external conversations. No discussion about your day to do. Then all the sudden 5 years pass and this friend is not only talking with you but demanding you to sit down, and do exactly what I am telling you to do? If this is the case with your kids, you have set them up for failure. Talking and communicating with your kids, is essential not only for mental growth and knowledge but for building a repore with your child for the present time and for situations like homework, and being involved with your child. It also shows them that you care.
Do tell your kids the truth and be consistent in keeping your promises!
This is a biggy for me. It actually makes me feel sick from my inner core! Children are little people who will be grown adults someday. Now I understand that sometimes things come up and plans change. That is NOT what I am talking about. I am talking about the parent who consistently says, "Sweetie, in 5 years when both of your sisters grow up a little, then I will get us both a bike and start riding with you!" This my friends just disgusts me!!!! You are placing empty hope in your children's hearts, and you are teaching them that people are NOT trustworthy! So if you intend to do something with your child, stop making excuses and do it. If you don't then find a way to say it gently, like "sweetie, biking isn't really my thing, but I would love to watch you ride!" Remember you are raising little people, people who will grow up and have relationships, and have families of their own. If you teach them to make empty promises and excuses, these little people, will grow up thinking, this is the way it is done!
Do Spend time with your kids. This is FREE and they love this more than anything!
As my kids get older, I am beyond thankful that my mom and dad always did things with us that were free or almost free because we had 6 people in our family and money was tight. This taught me the importance of time, and what we do with it! Part of having children is making memories, park days, long walks, scavenger hunts, riding bikes, watching your favorite show together. My kids best and most favorite memories are traditions. Things we do at the holidays, they love and talk about until its time to do them again. The simple hand gesture I love you, when they go to school. A discreet simple, unique way that is just ours. The red plate that each person in the family gets to eat on because of a special occasion. The fort we build every summer in the living room and keep up for one week and watch movies under! These are just a few, but my kids love my TIME! My genuine time, not when I am scrolling through Facebook posts on my phone, or chatting with a customer, and making the be quiet face to my kids. (We all do it, its called the mom look!) If you haven't taken the time to go for a walk, or to read your child a book or to say a prayer at night when you tuck them in, I challenge you to do it, and I guarantee you will be happy with the results. If you aren't sure what to do because being creative with your kids isn't your thing, your in luck. Google IT! Pinterest it! The best ideas come from people want to share their knowledge! You will NOT ever regret the traditions you make with your kids. Your kids will love it, and guess what, so will you! Make the most of this gift you have been given as a parent, don't let it just slip you by, because it will, and it goes fast.
Do make a big deal out of your kids birthday!
I am NOT saying you have to spend a lot of money on your child's birthday, but I am saying make them feel special. Something I have done with both of my kids, since they turned one, is putting streamers on their doors, and a birthday sign on their door, while they are sleeping. They wake up to the start their day, in a celebration. Just as it should be. You are celebrating the life of your child! The day they entered the world. The night before their big day, I always share with them, what was happening the night before. Its makes them feel special and unique. Even my son, who will be 12 loves, the streamers, and loves the story. He expects it. He loves it. Having gone through a divorce, they are things that come up when they aren't at home on that special day. We make the special day happen over the phone, and do the streamers just before their day, so we can stay in tradition. Making a big deal out of your child's birthday will make them feel special, and it will also teach me to treat others with care. A gift that is priceless.
This is just the tip of the iceberg on parenting tips... and you guessed it, The don't list will be in my next post. Until then,
The Blended Family Mom Tog
